5 Reasons To Throw Away Your Scale Today

By Mary Claire Schibelka, LPC

What would you say if a friend told you that every morning, you need to stop by their house before work, so they can look at you, assess whether or not you look fat, and tell you how you should feel about yourself for the rest of the day?

Crazy, right?  Who would agree to such a thing!?

Every morning, millions of Americans do almost exactly this.  They get out of bed and go directly to the bathroom scale, where a set of numbers will determine how confident, attractive, and successful they feel that day.

While diet culture may have convinced most of society that owning a bathroom scale is a part of staying healthy, weighing yourself may actually be unnecessary at best and prompt harmful, unhealthy behaviors at worst.

When working with clients who struggle with eating disorders or poor body image, getting rid of the bathroom scale is often one of the first steps I recommend.  Here are 5 reasons why:

It’s Not Accurate Anyways

Most people who weigh themselves believe that they are measuring changes in their body fat.  Really, the numbers appearing on the scale may be a reflection of water weight, muscle, or the weight of the food in your stomach.  A scale alone has no way to tell.

Weight Is Not the Only Indicator of Health

Even if the scale did measure the amount of fat on your body, it still would not be an accurate representation of your health.  The diet and fitness industries emphasize the importance of weight in overall health.  However, there are many other factors that contribute to your health, such as your stress level and whether or not you smoke.  Some research even indicates that individuals considered slightly overweight have lower health risks than their thinner counterparts.1,2

Genetics Play a Huge Role in Weight

According to diet culture, you are in control of your weight.  If you just tried a little harder at the gym or ate a little healthier, you could have the body of your dreams.  Body set point theory disagrees, stating that your body has a specific weight range it wants to stay within.  If you go above or below that range, your body will employ physical and psychological mechanisms, such as making you hungrier, in order to bring you back to the set point it’s comfortable with.

If you’re feeling frustrated with an unchanging number on the scale, it might actually be a sign that your body is right where it needs to be.  If that’s that case, why keep the scale?

Exercise Can Be Fun

Remember when you were a kid and you ran around and played sports just for fun?  Exercising can feel that way now!  When you mentally frame exercise as something you have to do, otherwise you’ll get fat (and ugly, lazy, and worthless according to diet culture), it loses its luster almost immediately.  Without the pressure of having to hit a certain number on the scale, exercise can go back to being something energizing, relaxing, and even entertaining.

There Are Other Ways To Feel Confident

Regardless of how much you weigh, you can feel confident.  I know- crazy- but very true.  To find confidence in yourself at any body size, focus on things you’re good at, features you like about yourself, and positive relationships you have.  You’ll likely find that when you take the focus off of your weight, confidence starts to show up more easily than you even thought possible.

In a society conditioned to put so much weight- no pun intended- in the number on a scale, deciding not to weigh yourself can feel scary, rebellious, or like a loss of control.  Keep in mind that as long as you’re eating nutritious foods, eating all things in moderation, and moving in a way that feels good, your body will find its healthy, happy place, no scale required.

Summer Body Image

By Mary Claire Schibelka, LPC

You know that feeling when you step outside and realize, finally, the weather is starting to get warmer?  The shift from winter into spring and summer feels hopeful in many ways.  Finally, activities like hiking, biking, going on long walks, and lounging by the pool will soon be possible again.  Warmer weather also means less clothing.  If body image is something you struggle with, this fact alone might be enough to turn that feeling of hopefulness into one of dread.

What Is Body Image?

Body image is a term meaning the way you see your body along with the feelings and judgments you have about it.  Body image includes the way you perceive your body shape, height, weight, skin tone, birthmarks, freckles, scars, hair, and everything else in between.  Your body image can be either positive, negative, or neutral, and it can change by the day.  For instance, some days, you may feel super sexy in your bikini, while others, curling up under a rock until winter returns may sound better than leaving the house in shorts.

How to Improve Body Image

When working with clients who struggle with body image, I have several go-to strategies.  Try these tips to improve your body image and get out of your head about what you look like in your clothes this summer:

Deconstruct the Ideal

The first thing I always do with clients who want to improve their body image is investigate when and where they first started developing their beliefs about what the ideal body looks like.  For many, it was parents who constantly dieted, media, or kids at school who picked on them for their appearance.  Identify pivotal moments in your past when you decided your body was not good enough.  Then, talk back to these beliefs from a place of self-compassion.

Don’t Believe Everything You Think

During my internship while in school to become a therapist, I worked at an outpatient center that primarily specializes in the treatment of eating disorders.  My supervisor at the time gave me a piece of information to pass onto clients that I will always remember.  She said, “We are incapable of seeing what we really look like.”

Whether you are looking in the mirror or at a picture of yourself, the image you see is filtered through all of your judgments, previous experiences, beliefs about yourself, and your mood that day, therefore making it impossible to see yourself accurately.  This is the reason why we can look at a picture of ourselves and hate it, and then 2 years later look at the same picture and think we look great.

Next time you hear your brain pointing out everything that’s wrong with your body.  Stop it in its tracks and remind yourself that you likely do not look exactly the way you think you do.

Focus on the Positives

One symptom of negative body image is paying disproportionate attention to the parts of your body you don’t like while ignoring the parts you either like or feel neutral towards.  You may also lose sight of your positive qualities that have nothing to do with appearance whatsoever.  Make a list of all the things you like about yourself.  When you catch yourself hyperfocusing on body parts you’re dissatisfied with, intentionally redirect your attention to a positive quality instead.

Try for Body Neutrality

Sometimes, the idea of body love or body positivity feels impossible.  In these cases, it can actually feel more shameful to hold yourself to the standard of loving your body.  Instead, aim for body neutrality.  Try thinking about the functions of body parts you don’t like rather than the way they look.  For example, if you really don’t like your legs, practice appreciating them for getting you to places you need to go, disregarding their appearance altogether.

Address Underlying Issues

More often than not, negative body image is a reflection of other issues beneath the surface, such as low self-esteem, perfectionism, and lack of satisfaction in other areas of life.  When you notice body dissatisfaction show up, check in with how you’re feeling in your relational, work, physical health, and spiritual life.  Talk to a trusted friend or therapist about your discoveries, and problem solve where necessary.  Chances are, body distress will alleviate in accordance with these issues.

Next Steps

Society is full of messaging about what it means to look “good” during the summer months.  If you’re experiencing heightened feelings of body dissatisfaction as the weather warms up, practice these strategies daily.  For more support, reach out to one of our therapists here at ELEVATED Life Counseling by clicking the “Contact Us” tab above.

Eating Disorder Recovery: Coping with Feeling Full During the Holidays

By Mary Claire Schibelka, LPC

Well, here we are, everyone.  Somehow, after eight months of the world being turned upside down by the Coronavirus Pandemic, we made it to the Holiday Season.  Thanksgiving is already a week away!  While the Winter Holidays can be joyful, those in eating disorder recovery often find this time stressful and triggering.

Almost every holiday celebrated in the United States involves food, but none of them can compete with Thanksgiving- the holiday that is literally centered around eating.  After Thanksgiving, the holiday parties and cookie exchanges commence, creating what can feel like a month of endless consumption.  For people in eating disorder recovery, these events are often ruined by feelings of anxiety, shame, and insecurity induced by feelings of fullness after eating more than what one is typically used to.  If this is true for you, try the following tips this Season to reclaim the Holiday fun and minimize the effects of uncomfortable emotions.

Remind Yourself That This Is Normal

On an average day, would eating five servings of mashed potatoes be considered typical?  Um...no.  Probably not.  But on Thanksgiving?  Absolutely!  Food is a biological necessity, but it is also social.  Food has historically always been a focal point of gatherings.  It is healthy and normal to eat more of it than usual when you are at a social event.  Even if you eat past the point of moderate fullness at which you would normally stop, it is still normal.  It is also normal to eat an average amount of food if that is really all you are hungry for.  This Holiday Season, give your body permission to have what it wants.  Remember that people all over the world are doing the same exact thing, and all of you will be okay.

Distract Yourself

If you’re recovering from an eating disorder, you’re probably familiar with the overwhelming emotions that often show up after a large meal.  In order to cope with these feelings, distract yourself after mealtime by playing a board game, going for a gentle walk, sparking up an interesting conversation with a friend or family member, or watching a funny movie.  By the time you’re done with whatever activity you choose, you’ll likely find that intense feelings of fullness have subsided, and you’re back to a comfortable level of satisfaction.

Accept Uncomfortable Feelings

The truth is, sometimes uncomfortable emotions are unavoidable.  The good news is that no matter how unpleasant your feelings are, they will eventually subside.  Remember that feeling “good” is not a prerequisite for doing the things that you value.  If you find yourself experiencing anxiety or shame after a large meal this Holiday Season, try accepting your feelings and choosing to do whatever you would be doing if you weren’t feeling that way.  For example, if you’re feeling anxious, you might be tempted to sit out on a family board game after Thanksgiving dinner.  Notice this urge, then play the game anyways.  Your emotions will pass either way.  Balancing them out with activities you value will help you get the most out of your Holiday experience, even if it isn’t 100% enjoyable.

This year, there is more to worry about during the holiday season than ever before.  Don’t let guilt, shame, or anxiety about feeling full take away more from your experience than the Pandemic already has.  Practice these three skills this week after eating regular-sized meals so you can be ready to put them to use during the next month and a half.  This could be the year you conquer the holiday meal blues once and for all.

Restaurant Anxiety: Dining Out While Recovering from an Eating Disorder

By Mary Claire Schibelka, LPC

Going out to eat is supposed to be fun.  It’s a great way to get out of the house, socialize, try new cuisines, and eat without having to cook.  For people without eating disorders, restaurants are exciting and relaxing.  If you have an eating disorder, however, going to a restaurant can feel like torture.

Restaurants, because of their obvious focus on food, are full of triggers for people struggling with eating disorders.  Uncertainty about how a dish is prepared or how many calories are in it can cause anxiety symptoms like fear of weight gain or hyperfocus on body size and appearance.  Many restaurants do print the amount of calories per dish on the menu.  This too can cause anxiety and urges to engage in eating disorder behaviors.

Other aspects of dining out people with eating disorders may struggle with include large portion sizes, multiple courses, extensive menu choices, and lack of knowledge about ingredients.  Many also find it difficult to eat among others without comparing their appearance, body size, food choice, and amount of food eaten with those around them.

Dining out while in recovery from an eating disorder can be challenging.  Restaurants present a lot of stimuli, much of it triggering, and can feel very overwhelming.  While restaurant anxiety is uncomfortable, it’s important that those in recovery learn to cope with it and reclaim the luxury that dining out is intended to be.  To cope with the emotions that come up while dining out and introduce joy back into the experience, those in recovery can do the following things:

Plan Ahead*

If not knowing what’s on the menu is causing you anxiety, consider looking up the menu ahead of time.  Before doing this, take a few deep breaths.  Look at the menu and ask yourself, “What would I choose to eat if I were fully recovered?”  You may not know the answer to this question yet.  Just do the best you can.  Exit the menu and commit to order the choice you made while envisioning the healthiest version of yourself.

You may also want to make an escape plan.  In the event that you feel overwhelmed, it might be helpful to take a quick bathroom break or step outside for a breath of fresh air.  Plan ahead how you can excuse yourself from the table if you want to.

Eat Mindfully

It can be hard to focus on your meal when your thoughts are racing.  Eat at a moderate pace, taking sips of water every few bites.  Notice the flavor, texture, and smell of what you’re eating.  Take deep, intentional breaths into your belly, and see if you can pay attention to your breath, your food, and the conversation at the table at the same time.  Mindfulness can help you know when you’re full and also promote better enjoyment of the experience altogether!

Consider All Foods Equal

Creating a mental list of “good” and “bad” foods is sure to cause anxiety when dining out.  When looking at the menu, remember that your body knows how to balance itself out.  No matter what you order off the menu, your body will tell you when it’s still hungry and when it’s full.  It also knows how to balance out richness and density.  For example, if you eat a burger and fries for lunch, you will likely crave vegetables at dinnertime.  Give yourself permission to order what you want, eat mindfully, and trust your body to take care of the rest.

Eating at restaurants can be difficult for people with eating disorders.  Learning to manage anxiety and eat flexibly at restaurants is an important part of recovery.  To learn more about eating disorder recovery and its benefits, see the ELEVATED Life Counseling “Services” page or visit me on Instagram at @therapywithmaryclaire.

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Beginner's Guide to Therapy

By Erinn Williams, LCPC

So you’re thinking about talking to someone.  Great!  Maybe you’ve been thinking about it for a while and now all the crap that 2020 has had to offer has pushed you to take the step.  You’re feeling ready (or at least willing) to start the journey and work on things that might have been piling up for years.  If this is you, I commend you for your courage.

Understandably, you might have some nerves going through this process.  It’s not every day that you talk to a complete stranger about some of the most painful parts of your life.  Here are some things to keep in mind if you are starting or returning to therapy.

Determine what you want to get out of it

One misconception about therapy is that you’ll be doing it for life once you start.  While some clients love self-reflection, that’s not everyone’s cup of tea.  Determine what you want to get out of your therapy experience.  If you are entering therapy because you enjoy learning more about yourself, even if it’s painful, then therapy may become a form of self-care that you do every week for years.  On the other hand, if you would like extra support for something that is currently stressing you out, be open with your therapist about that.  Don’t feel like you have to keep digging just for the sake of digging.  It is completely up to you.

The right fit matters

Though it can be time consuming at first, finding the right therapist is important and can save you many hours in the long run.  Some clients prefer to shop around a bit before settling on one therapist.  The right fit matters because when things get tough in the therapy room you need to trust that your therapist knows you well enough to know when to push you and when to back off.  When you are being pushed you know it’s because your therapist cares. You can tell there is a good fit when you feel comfortable enough talking about difficult topics.  If you don’t jive with your therapist, it can often feel like a waste of an hour each week.  Spend the time at the beginning ensuring that you like your therapist and feel they understand you.  

Allow time to build the relationship

Once you’ve found a good fit, give the process time for the relationship to build.  Like any other relationship, a therapeutic relationship takes time to fortify.  I typically experience a change in the closeness of my therapeutic bonds with clients after about 8 sessions.  It’s not that good work can’t happen before 8 sessions, but usually by then you both have a feel for each other and you may be willing to take more risks.  Speaking of taking risks...

Take risks...but at the pace you’re comfortable with

The risks you take will be determined by what you are working on in therapy.  For some, it might look like showing up to a session without a mental list of things to tell your therapist, and instead seeing how the session unfolds without a roadmap.  It might be being honest with certain thoughts, feelings, or behaviors you’ve been experiencing.  It might look like advocating for what you need in the therapy room.  Whatever taking risks look like to you, it’s worth pushing yourself to take them in the service of growth.  However, there is no need to push yourself so hard that you dread going to therapy each week.  If you’re finding that progress is fairly consistent, chances are you are taking appropriate risks within the work.

The initial relief you feel doesn’t necessarily mean you’re “cured”

It usually takes people several months of thinking about going to therapy before they actually make their first appointment.  Within those several months, stress piles up and so it’s natural to feel immediate relief when you begin to talk through the stress with a professional.  After a few sessions some people begin to feel so much better that they think they don’t need therapy anymore.  

There are a couple things to think about here.  The first is that simply talking about stress feels good in the moment, but it might not actually change your reaction to stress in the long run.  You’ll want to stay in therapy long enough to get the tools to manage that stress in the future.  The second thing to consider is that life might be working better because you have that hour a week to yourself for therapy.  In the same way that we need consistent exercise for our bodies to function well, you may need consistent reflection for your mental health to function well.  This doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll need to be in therapy forever, but it may be an indication that you’ll want to incorporate some form of personal development into your weekly routine.

Though starting therapy may be slightly scary at first, it’s often worth it.  Stop hesitating and start prioritizing your mental and emotional health.

Resources:

Psychology Today and Zencare list professionals in your area, their specialties, and their rates.  Don’t have insurance and can’t pay a full fee? Check out Open Path Collective where you’ll see a list of therapists offering a sliding scale.  Or contact Mary Claire Schibelka or Erinn Williams here at ELC for a phone consultation.

Makeup and the Mind

By Mary Claire Schibelka, LPC

Womxn and makeup have a complicated relationship.  For some, it is an art.  A luxury that one treats herself to.  Even an indulgence.  For others, a necessary evil.  Something imposed upon them by society.  Some reject it altogether, and others could take it or leave it.  

From all directions, womxn receive messages both urging and forbidding them to buy and wear makeup.  Contradicting demands like, “Try harder,” and “Don’t try too hard” are everywhere- some implicit, some unignorable.  Girls. Girls. Girls. Magazine’s viral video, “Be a Lady They Said”, stars Cynthia Nixon narrating this reality of what it means to be a woman in 2020.

As an individual, I enjoy makeup.  As a professional, I’m curious about it.  More specifically, I’m curious about not only the reasons why one chooses to wear it, but also the implications of their decision.

In a recent quest to learn more about the psychology of makeup, I uncovered some intriguing information.  First, I discovered that the use of makeup dates back to the earliest-known human societies.  Body art, in some form, has culturally been part of almost every civilization on earth.

Makeup has also been linked to desirable mental health outcomes.  In a 2017 Harvard University study, undergraduate women who wore makeup demonstrated higher test scores than those who did not.  Some women who wear makeup while working from home during quarantine report feeling more focused and productive than they do without it.  In Refinery29 article, “The Psychology Of Wearing Makeup When No One Can See You”, Tara Well, PhD, associate professor of psychology at Barnard College, describes makeup application’s ability to help us spend time with ourselves, thus creating feelings of peace and safety.

Somewhere down the rabbit hole, I stumbled upon a 2012 study in which the wearing of a lab coat is associated with higher performance on attention-related tasks.  This is attributed to not only the physical experience of wearing the coat, but also the perceived symbolic meaning of the coat by its wearer.

Like lab coats, makeup must be put on and impacts perceptions of its wearer by others and by wearer.  The experience of applying makeup can be gratifying, promoting self-awareness, routine, and the enjoyment of pleasurable textures, such as soft brushes.  The symbolic elements of makeup include one’s recognition of their own inherent beauty, self-expression, and creativity.

Imagine being prepared for a surgery, and your doctor walks in wearing jeans and a polo shirt.  How would you feel if the doctor was wearing a lab coat?  Now, imagine you’re  the doctor, and you’re wearing either jeans and a polo shirt or a lab coat.  What’s the difference?  What do you feel in your gut, shoulders, and chest as you picture these scenarios?  Would your feelings change if the doctor in the polo shirt had a great bedside manner and knew what he was talking about?  What if your doctor was a womxn and was wearing makeup?  What if she/they wasn’t?

The answers to these questions reveal a lot about your perceptions of outward appearance and what lies beneath it.  Do your perceptions align with your values?  How do they impact your decisions about how you present yourself?

Each person’s answers to these questions is different, which is why everyone in the world presents himself/herself/themselves differently.  Our experiences and our energy levels are only two of the many factors that influence the daily decisions we make about how we go forth into the world.  The decision of whether or not to wear makeup is just another one of those choices.

When we are in tune with our values and deepest desires, we are able to make decisions, no matter how seemingly small, from a place of confidence.  If you’ve experimented with makeup and you’ve found that it invokes a sense of dread, by all means, stay away from it.  You can live a long and happy life without ever using a drop of it.  Many womxn do.

The key is authenticity, even in the face of pressure from all sides.  When someone shows up as themselves, people notice.  Confidence speaks louder than cosmetics.

Trying to Control Your Partner: a Hindrance, Not a Help

By Erinn Williams, LCPC

What happens in a relationship when you try to bridge the gap between what you want and what you have?  Control issues pop up.   If you’ve ever found yourself saying or thinking things like:

“You should do/think/act like this” 

“I’d be happy if only you’d...”  

“You would be more _______ if you loved me”  

“I need you to be more like so-and-so”  

then chances are you are trying to control your partner.  Trying to control your partner can lead to major issues for a couple.  Let’s explore why some of us attempt to assert our control and why it ultimately is not healthy in your relationship! 

Why do we attempt to control our partners?  We tend to find ourselves partnered with people who display the same traits we attached to growing up.  In other words, we marry/partner with versions of our parents.

In relationships we work out our past with our partners.  Matching with someone who has similar traits as our parents can be seen as an attempt to heal our unfinished business.  In the worst cases, our relationships trigger so much past pain that we can’t recover and the relationship ends.  In the best cases, we work through these triggers and heal from our past through and with our partners.  

“If only he wasn’t so controlling, like my mom” or “I need him to be more connected, unlike my dad” are examples of ways we attempt to control our partners while attempting to heal from our past.    Unconsciously we believe that if our partners would just act the way we want them to act, we would see these issues resolve themselves.

That seems great in theory, but have you ever felt like someone was trying to control you?  How did that go? Terry Real, author of The New Rules of Marriage: What You Need to Know to Make Love Work states, “Here’s the real deal on control: It’s an illusion.  Short of outright collusion or holding a gun to someone’s head, nobody gets anyone to do anything.  Which, unfortunately, doesn’t mean you won’t try.”

Love and connection cannot thrive when control and oppression are present.  Our partners may comply when we attempt to control them, but it comes at a cost.  Often the consequences of controlling our partners look like rebellion, either quietly or quite overtly.  Sometimes you may see your partner become more and more resentful, and they may feel like a martyr in the relationship.  Other times, the thing you want your partner to change may become exaggerated the more that you push.  All of this gets worse when you feel like you need to be right all the time.    

It’s not so much that you can’t ask things of your partner or express your needs in the relationship.  The strategy to get through the control tendency is two-fold.  First, recognize if this is you.  If you are attempting to change your partner in any way, own it.  Be clear to yourself about why you want them to change, not just what you want them to change.  Is it for their own good?  Is it for the good of the relationship?  Or is it particularly sensitive to you because this was a painful part of your past?

When talking to your partner instead of asserting your control, use phrases like “I need...,” “I feel hurt when…,” or “In this moment can you…” These phrases convey more of a specific need you are trying to express rather than a general criticism of something they need to change.  When you find yourself being manipulative (you know who you are and you know when you are doing it), take a break from the conversation.

Secondly, work toward healing these wounds yourself.  If you didn’t feel seen by your mom growing up, work toward feeling healthy, self-compassionate individuality as an adult.  If you were often fearful of your dad, work to recognize the power you hold as the mature adult that you are.  Often therapy, tapping into spirituality, and active reflection can help with this process.  When we work to recover from past wounds, we become a much better partner than when we expect our partners to heal these wounds for us.

Why Crushing is the Best

By Mary Claire Schibelka, LPC

“Let no one who loves be called unhappy. Even love unreturned has its rainbow.” 

J. M. Barrie

Imagine that feeling you get when you first start to like someone.  Few things in life compare to the fresh feeling of butterflies in your stomach when you start to realize that somebody new, or maybe someone who’s been hiding in plain sight all along, could be somebody for you.  Excitement, nerves, and novelty make an irresistible cocktail.

When you’re crushing, the perfect partner seems right at the tips of your fingers.  Whoever you’ve fallen for seems flawless, and not only because they’re attractive.  It’s also because you know just enough about them to like them and not enough to see the little things that would eventually drive you crazy.

You imagine your future relationship, and it looks ideal.  Surely, you’d sing in the car together.  They don’t seem like the type to cheat.  And you, of course, would be so happy that you’d never do anything wrong.

The possibilities are endless!  Imagine the places you could go together.  The movies you could snuggle up and watch.  The fear of an end is nowhere in sight because the story hasn’t even started yet.  It’s just delicious fantasy.

Crushing is valuable.  While it’s unlikely that all your hopes and dreams will suddenly come to life in one person, the experience of idealizing can tell a lot about what you value in a relationship.  Why this person?  What is going to be different about this relationship?  What are you attracted to?  What are you hoping for?  These questions help set your relationships up for success, whether with your current crush or with somebody else.

This leads to the next question.  What if they don’t like you?  Rejection can be an intensely and deeply painful emotion.  How do you handle that?  What’s it like?  What skills can you develop to cope with it and continue enjoying dating with an open mind?

These are questions you can’t answer without experiencing them.  After you live out rejection and learn from it, you can date smarter.  That’s what makes crushing so great.  Best case scenario, you fall in mutual, healthy love.  Worst case scenario, you get the opportunity to get to know yourself better and come out more resilient.

Crushing is unpredictable.  There’s no telling how it will really turn out.  Use the thrill of curiosity as your inspiration and your values as your guide.  You might naturally want to get to know your crush more, but often, we have to remind ourselves to pay attention to our own inner experiences.  Stay curious about both.  When it comes to making decisions, like whether or not to date or even tell your crush how you feel, check in with your values.  What would you do if you were your best self?

Having a crush is more than just a superficial attraction to another person.  Crushes teach us a lot about our deepest desires for relationships and romantic partners.  Through these things, we learn about ourselves, our weaknesses, and what we bring to the table.  Crushes, even if never mutually shared, can be transformational.  And if we’re being honest, we love them- not just because they enrich us, but because they just feel so good.