This Foolproof Strategy Can Help You Achieve Your 2021 Relationship Goals

By Mary Claire Schibelka, LPC

Have you thought about your goals for 2021?  After 2020 turned out to be completely different than anyone expected, setting goals for next year might feel pointless.  Although no one knows for sure what will happen in 2021, setting achievable goals can help restore a healthy sense of purpose and control in your life.

If you’re single, you may be taking advantage of the current slump in the dating scene by dedicating more time to work.  Or maybe you’re on the apps, looking for another brave soul who’s willing to bundle up for an outdoor coffee date.  Whether your ultimate 2021 goal is to end up in a relationship or make a power move in your single life, there’s one strategy that is sure to work better than the rest.

Grab a notebook and pencil and keep reading to learn how to work towards your 2021 goals everyday, no matter what the year may hold.

The “Average Perfect Day” Method

Accomplishing a goal does not happen overnight.  Achievement is something you have to work for little by little every day.  Your habits might seem insignificant on their own, but over days, weeks, and months, they add up to dictate the direction of your life.  Building habits that help you reach your goals starts with imagining what one “perfect” day in the journey would look like, then acting out elements of that day on a regular basis.

Step 1: Identify Your Dream

At this first stage, you don’t need to worry about being realistic.  If you could have anything you wanted by the end of 2021, what would it be?  An exclusive relationship?  Six-figures?  The sky’s the limit.  Bonus points if you base your dream off your values or sense of purpose.

Step 2:  Choose A Realistic End Goal

In order to feel motivated to work towards a goal, you need to know that it’s reachable.  To decide on a realistic end goal, take into account the unpredictability of 2021 and ask yourself what you’re certain you can accomplish by the end of the year.  Then, push it one step further.  Research shows you’re more likely to feel motivated to work towards a goal you’re just shy of 100% sure you can achieve it.

Step 3:  Plan Your Perfect Day

Visualize what it would look like for you to live one day in perfect alignment with your goal.  Try asking yourself:

• What time would I wake up?

• What would I do in the morning?

• What would I wear?

• What would I listen to or watch?

• How would my space look?

• What kinds of activities would I engage in?

• Who would I talk to?

• What would I eat?

• How much movement would I get?

• What kind of thoughts would I have?

• What would I do before bed?

• What time would I go to sleep?

If your goal is to go on dates in hopes of beginning a relationship, you might include plenty of social activities to improve your chances of meeting a partner.  If your goal is to go on a solo trip, your ideal day might include working on a side hustle to save extra money.  The great thing about planning an average perfect day is that no matter what you hope to accomplish, there are simple things you can do each day to help increase your chances of success.

Step 4:  Anticipate Change

Even without a pandemic, life is unpredictable.  It’s important to leave room for change in your plans.  This year, consider how your average perfect day might look different in the face of COVID restrictions.  What are some substitute activities you can do if lockdowns or social gathering-limits take place?  Consider making several average perfect day plans to account for changing circumstances.

Step 5:  Live with Flexibility

After you’ve created your average perfect day plan, the final step is to live it out.  Of course, there is no such thing as a perfect day.  Very rarely will your days look exactly like the one you wrote out.  The key is to regularly include elements from your plan into your daily life.  That way, even if reaching your dream takes longer than you’d hoped, you can be sure that each day of 2021 was a step in the right direction.

Goal-setting before the beginning of a New Year can seem daunting.  To work towards achievement and make sure that every day counts along the way, consider several different versions of how your average perfect day might look.  Then be intentional about living out elements of ideal day everyday.

What are some of your dreams for 2021?  Tell me on Instagram at @teawithmc or schedule a free phone consultation for help planning a fulfilling and successful year.

Related Articles:

You Can Have It All: Expert Secrets to Balancing Love and Your Career

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Find your work flow

By Mary Claire Schibelka, LPC

Love what you’ll do, and you’ll never work a day in your life.  That’s the common phrase.  Love when you do it, and you might never have to work another night in your life either.  Somewhere along the line, humans decided that the most efficient workday exists between 9 AM and 5 PM.  Oh, the good ole’ 9 to 5.  Covet or hate it, this routine style of working has truly made a name for itself.

It makes sense.  With the sun and fire as their only light sources, workers throughout history earned by day and played by night.  Evening was a time for recreation, restoration, and connection.

But in today’s modern world, technology allows work to creep into all hours of the day and night, easily distracting from personal activities.  Especially in the midst of COVID-19 and the resulting boom in working from home, the lines between the workday and the weekend can easily grow blurry.  While the hustle may feel exhilarating and even enjoyable for some, others find themselves exhausted by the end of the week.

Tom Hodgkinson is the author of bestselling books How to Be Idle and The Freedom Manifesto.  His remedy for burnout is quite the opposite of what you might think.  Founder of the magazine and curriculum, The Idler, Hodgkinson believes that regularly stepping away from work, or idling, is the key to not only happiness but also professional achievement.

In a May 2020 episode of The Happiness Lab, a podcast hosted by Yale professor and happiness researcher Dr. Laurie Santos, Hodgkins lists several examples of idle activities including taking walks with friends, napping, hour-long lunch breaks, and traveling- all with no work allowed.

Hodgkins explains that when we allow ourselves uninterrupted down time, our work performance and personal satisfaction bloom.  We create room for creativity, rest, and enjoyment.  At the same time, we replenish our energy and return to work with more drive.

Idling can be done at any time.  Nine to five workers might idle mostly at night, while remote workers can idle with more flexibility.  The goal is to relish the idle moments.  Regardless of when you work, your level of fulfillment impacts the way you show up, and this makes a difference.

In her Boston Globe Article, “Millennials aren’t lazy, they’re workaholics,” writer Katie Johnston points out anxiety’s correlation with lower career satisfaction, lower productivity, and fewer monetary bonuses.  Anxiety often interferes with motivation and the ability to focus, thus drastically reducing work performance.  It can also impede social behaviors necessary for good workplace relationship.

Unlike Hodgkins, you might not see napping from 2 to 4 PM as feasible or even ideal.  The 9 to 5 is just as enjoyable to some as its more unstructured alternatives are to others.  If you find yourself, though, stuck in the grind, fear not.

Constantly, new remote and time-flexible job positions are created.  Because of modern technology, teachers can virtually instruct classes in different timezones.  Business owners can work behind the scenes at all hours.  First responders and service industry professionals who prefer working at night can clock in after resting during the earlier hours of the day.

What is your ideal work style?  This is a question infrequently asked at high schools and universities.  We are so often expected to talk about what we like to do, but not how we like to do it.  Without this knowledge, we can accidentally wind up in careers that suffocate our passion instead of fanning it.  Once you notice the natural ebbs and flows of your energy throughout the day, you can begin to develop a career consistent with your preferred work schedule.  

Hodgkinson’s journey is a reminder that gaining the flexibility you desire in your career might take time.  He admits to having worked several jobs before finding his balance of work and idleness.  If you’re working in what I call a “stepping stone job”- one that feels particularly unstimulating and unsustainable- ask yourself these three questions:  What skills do I want to continue developing in the next phase of my career?  How do I want my next work environment to differ from this one?  How can I use my strengths in new ways?

Finding your work flow can feel challenging.  Start small by rethinking how you spend your little sprinkles of time throughout the day.  Consider stretching, walking, cooking, or calling a friend whenever possible.  Replace mindless activities with more pleasurable ones when necessary.  And if it works for you, embrace the two-hour nap.