This Foolproof Strategy Can Help You Achieve Your 2021 Relationship Goals

By Mary Claire Schibelka, LPC

Have you thought about your goals for 2021?  After 2020 turned out to be completely different than anyone expected, setting goals for next year might feel pointless.  Although no one knows for sure what will happen in 2021, setting achievable goals can help restore a healthy sense of purpose and control in your life.

If you’re single, you may be taking advantage of the current slump in the dating scene by dedicating more time to work.  Or maybe you’re on the apps, looking for another brave soul who’s willing to bundle up for an outdoor coffee date.  Whether your ultimate 2021 goal is to end up in a relationship or make a power move in your single life, there’s one strategy that is sure to work better than the rest.

Grab a notebook and pencil and keep reading to learn how to work towards your 2021 goals everyday, no matter what the year may hold.

The “Average Perfect Day” Method

Accomplishing a goal does not happen overnight.  Achievement is something you have to work for little by little every day.  Your habits might seem insignificant on their own, but over days, weeks, and months, they add up to dictate the direction of your life.  Building habits that help you reach your goals starts with imagining what one “perfect” day in the journey would look like, then acting out elements of that day on a regular basis.

Step 1: Identify Your Dream

At this first stage, you don’t need to worry about being realistic.  If you could have anything you wanted by the end of 2021, what would it be?  An exclusive relationship?  Six-figures?  The sky’s the limit.  Bonus points if you base your dream off your values or sense of purpose.

Step 2:  Choose A Realistic End Goal

In order to feel motivated to work towards a goal, you need to know that it’s reachable.  To decide on a realistic end goal, take into account the unpredictability of 2021 and ask yourself what you’re certain you can accomplish by the end of the year.  Then, push it one step further.  Research shows you’re more likely to feel motivated to work towards a goal you’re just shy of 100% sure you can achieve it.

Step 3:  Plan Your Perfect Day

Visualize what it would look like for you to live one day in perfect alignment with your goal.  Try asking yourself:

• What time would I wake up?

• What would I do in the morning?

• What would I wear?

• What would I listen to or watch?

• How would my space look?

• What kinds of activities would I engage in?

• Who would I talk to?

• What would I eat?

• How much movement would I get?

• What kind of thoughts would I have?

• What would I do before bed?

• What time would I go to sleep?

If your goal is to go on dates in hopes of beginning a relationship, you might include plenty of social activities to improve your chances of meeting a partner.  If your goal is to go on a solo trip, your ideal day might include working on a side hustle to save extra money.  The great thing about planning an average perfect day is that no matter what you hope to accomplish, there are simple things you can do each day to help increase your chances of success.

Step 4:  Anticipate Change

Even without a pandemic, life is unpredictable.  It’s important to leave room for change in your plans.  This year, consider how your average perfect day might look different in the face of COVID restrictions.  What are some substitute activities you can do if lockdowns or social gathering-limits take place?  Consider making several average perfect day plans to account for changing circumstances.

Step 5:  Live with Flexibility

After you’ve created your average perfect day plan, the final step is to live it out.  Of course, there is no such thing as a perfect day.  Very rarely will your days look exactly like the one you wrote out.  The key is to regularly include elements from your plan into your daily life.  That way, even if reaching your dream takes longer than you’d hoped, you can be sure that each day of 2021 was a step in the right direction.

Goal-setting before the beginning of a New Year can seem daunting.  To work towards achievement and make sure that every day counts along the way, consider several different versions of how your average perfect day might look.  Then be intentional about living out elements of ideal day everyday.

What are some of your dreams for 2021?  Tell me on Instagram at @teawithmc or schedule a free phone consultation for help planning a fulfilling and successful year.

Related Articles:

You Can Have It All: Expert Secrets to Balancing Love and Your Career

Troubleshooting Your Goals: Lessons from a Therapist’s Career Journey

Too Much of a Good Dream

By Mary Claire Schibelka, LPC

Everybody has their vice.  For some, it’s plush covers and fluffy pillows.  Sleep, one of mental health’s most important ingredients, can be overdone like anything else.

Forbes revealed that Millennials sleep an average of 25 minutes longer per night than the average American.  Enough sleep (about 7 to 9 hours per night) can result in greater productivity, health benefits, and better cognitive performance.  Too much sleep can lead to serious risks.

According to the American Heart Association, women who spent two or more hours catching up on sleep, or “binge sleeping” during the weekend were likely to have poorer cardiovascular health than those who did not.  Instead, the Association advises keeping a regular schedule.  Go to sleep and wake up at the same times each day, and try not to change your sleeping habits too drastically on the weekends.

Positive mental health outcomes are also highly connected to sleep.  Oversleeping is both a symptom and a cause of anxiety and depression.  Too much sleeping results in lower productivity, causing anxiety that leads to lesser quality of sleep, so the cycle goes on.

Much like physicians, mental health experts typically recommend maintaining a sleep schedule.  When you form a routine, you tell your body what to expect everyday.  Waking up at 7am no longer feels excruciating, it feels normal.  Grogginess decreases, focus deepens, and not only quantity, but also quality of work improves.

If you’ve ever hit the snooze button one or six too many times in the morning, you know the impact it can have on your day.  Suddenly, everything feels rushed.  The day turns into a game of catch-up.  You go to sleep feeling exhausted and, on the really bad days, unaccomplished.

Sleep feels incredible, but one has to ask, is it worth it?  This is not a straightforward answer.  If you’re wondering if you oversleep or undersleep with intermittent binges to pay back your “sleep debt”, ask yourself these questions:

• What is your sleep schedule doing for you?

• What is it costing you?

• Which is most important to you?

If your bedtime is more like a guideline, you might really enjoy an extra hour awake at night and a few hits of the snooze button in the morning.  Maybe the cost is relatively low!  However, if you find you’re consistently running late, underperforming at work, or feeling rushed, oversleeping might be part of the problem.

Here’s how values play into this:  Spending an extra hour with a friend at night might be worth a groggy morning.  One more episode of a show you’ve seen ten times might not be worth missing a deadline.  Determining the cost of something requires understanding your values and priorities.

Waking up at a consistent time every morning relies on going to sleep at the same time every night.  To align your sleep schedule, first choose a bedtime that will typically allow you between 7 and 9 hours of sleep per night.  Then, choose a wakeup time that makes the most sense for you within that 7 to 9 hour range.  

Next, plan necessary activities throughout your week, followed by optional ones.  Leave room for spontaneity and flexibility.  Rigidity is a quick killer of routines.  Give yourself permission to make cancellations when necessary for mental health reasons, sleep included.

Allow your body about three weeks to adjust, and then observe the outcomes.  A regular sleep schedule just might be your key to the next level.