Restaurant Anxiety: Dining Out While Recovering from an Eating Disorder
Going out to eat is supposed to be fun. It’s a great way to get out of the house, socialize, try new cuisines, and eat without having to cook. For people without eating disorders, restaurants are exciting and relaxing. If you have an eating disorder, however, going to a restaurant can feel like torture.
By Mary Claire Schibelka, LPC
Going out to eat is supposed to be fun. It’s a great way to get out of the house, socialize, try new cuisines, and eat without having to cook. For people without eating disorders, restaurants are exciting and relaxing. If you have an eating disorder, however, going to a restaurant can feel like torture.
Restaurants, because of their obvious focus on food, are full of triggers for people struggling with eating disorders. Uncertainty about how a dish is prepared or how many calories are in it can cause anxiety symptoms like fear of weight gain or hyperfocus on body size and appearance. Many restaurants do print the amount of calories per dish on the menu. This too can cause anxiety and urges to engage in eating disorder behaviors.
Other aspects of dining out people with eating disorders may struggle with include large portion sizes, multiple courses, extensive menu choices, and lack of knowledge about ingredients. Many also find it difficult to eat among others without comparing their appearance, body size, food choice, and amount of food eaten with those around them.
Dining out while in recovery from an eating disorder can be challenging. Restaurants present a lot of stimuli, much of it triggering, and can feel very overwhelming. While restaurant anxiety is uncomfortable, it’s important that those in recovery learn to cope with it and reclaim the luxury that dining out is intended to be. To cope with the emotions that come up while dining out and introduce joy back into the experience, those in recovery can do the following things:
Plan Ahead*
If not knowing what’s on the menu is causing you anxiety, consider looking up the menu ahead of time. Before doing this, take a few deep breaths. Look at the menu and ask yourself, “What would I choose to eat if I were fully recovered?” You may not know the answer to this question yet. Just do the best you can. Exit the menu and commit to order the choice you made while envisioning the healthiest version of yourself.
You may also want to make an escape plan. In the event that you feel overwhelmed, it might be helpful to take a quick bathroom break or step outside for a breath of fresh air. Plan ahead how you can excuse yourself from the table if you want to.
Eat Mindfully
It can be hard to focus on your meal when your thoughts are racing. Eat at a moderate pace, taking sips of water every few bites. Notice the flavor, texture, and smell of what you’re eating. Take deep, intentional breaths into your belly, and see if you can pay attention to your breath, your food, and the conversation at the table at the same time. Mindfulness can help you know when you’re full and also promote better enjoyment of the experience altogether!
Consider All Foods Equal
Creating a mental list of “good” and “bad” foods is sure to cause anxiety when dining out. When looking at the menu, remember that your body knows how to balance itself out. No matter what you order off the menu, your body will tell you when it’s still hungry and when it’s full. It also knows how to balance out richness and density. For example, if you eat a burger and fries for lunch, you will likely crave vegetables at dinnertime. Give yourself permission to order what you want, eat mindfully, and trust your body to take care of the rest.
Eating at restaurants can be difficult for people with eating disorders. Learning to manage anxiety and eat flexibly at restaurants is an important part of recovery. To learn more about eating disorder recovery and its benefits, see the ELEVATED Life Counseling “Services” page or visit me on Instagram at @therapywithmaryclaire.
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Why Crushing is the Best
Imagine that feeling you get when you first start to like someone. Few things in life compare to the fresh feeling of butterflies in your stomach when you start to realize that somebody new, or maybe someone who’s been hiding in plain sight all along, could be somebody for you. Excitement, nerves, and novelty make an irresistible cocktail.
By Mary Claire Schibelka, LPC
“Let no one who loves be called unhappy. Even love unreturned has its rainbow.”
J. M. Barrie
Imagine that feeling you get when you first start to like someone. Few things in life compare to the fresh feeling of butterflies in your stomach when you start to realize that somebody new, or maybe someone who’s been hiding in plain sight all along, could be somebody for you. Excitement, nerves, and novelty make an irresistible cocktail.
When you’re crushing, the perfect partner seems right at the tips of your fingers. Whoever you’ve fallen for seems flawless, and not only because they’re attractive. It’s also because you know just enough about them to like them and not enough to see the little things that would eventually drive you crazy.
You imagine your future relationship, and it looks ideal. Surely, you’d sing in the car together. They don’t seem like the type to cheat. And you, of course, would be so happy that you’d never do anything wrong.
The possibilities are endless! Imagine the places you could go together. The movies you could snuggle up and watch. The fear of an end is nowhere in sight because the story hasn’t even started yet. It’s just delicious fantasy.
Crushing is valuable. While it’s unlikely that all your hopes and dreams will suddenly come to life in one person, the experience of idealizing can tell a lot about what you value in a relationship. Why this person? What is going to be different about this relationship? What are you attracted to? What are you hoping for? These questions help set your relationships up for success, whether with your current crush or with somebody else.
This leads to the next question. What if they don’t like you? Rejection can be an intensely and deeply painful emotion. How do you handle that? What’s it like? What skills can you develop to cope with it and continue enjoying dating with an open mind?
These are questions you can’t answer without experiencing them. After you live out rejection and learn from it, you can date smarter. That’s what makes crushing so great. Best case scenario, you fall in mutual, healthy love. Worst case scenario, you get the opportunity to get to know yourself better and come out more resilient.
Crushing is unpredictable. There’s no telling how it will really turn out. Use the thrill of curiosity as your inspiration and your values as your guide. You might naturally want to get to know your crush more, but often, we have to remind ourselves to pay attention to our own inner experiences. Stay curious about both. When it comes to making decisions, like whether or not to date or even tell your crush how you feel, check in with your values. What would you do if you were your best self?
Having a crush is more than just a superficial attraction to another person. Crushes teach us a lot about our deepest desires for relationships and romantic partners. Through these things, we learn about ourselves, our weaknesses, and what we bring to the table. Crushes, even if never mutually shared, can be transformational. And if we’re being honest, we love them- not just because they enrich us, but because they just feel so good.