Find your work flow

By Mary Claire Schibelka, LPC

Love what you’ll do, and you’ll never work a day in your life.  That’s the common phrase.  Love when you do it, and you might never have to work another night in your life either.  Somewhere along the line, humans decided that the most efficient workday exists between 9 AM and 5 PM.  Oh, the good ole’ 9 to 5.  Covet or hate it, this routine style of working has truly made a name for itself.

It makes sense.  With the sun and fire as their only light sources, workers throughout history earned by day and played by night.  Evening was a time for recreation, restoration, and connection.

But in today’s modern world, technology allows work to creep into all hours of the day and night, easily distracting from personal activities.  Especially in the midst of COVID-19 and the resulting boom in working from home, the lines between the workday and the weekend can easily grow blurry.  While the hustle may feel exhilarating and even enjoyable for some, others find themselves exhausted by the end of the week.

Tom Hodgkinson is the author of bestselling books How to Be Idle and The Freedom Manifesto.  His remedy for burnout is quite the opposite of what you might think.  Founder of the magazine and curriculum, The Idler, Hodgkinson believes that regularly stepping away from work, or idling, is the key to not only happiness but also professional achievement.

In a May 2020 episode of The Happiness Lab, a podcast hosted by Yale professor and happiness researcher Dr. Laurie Santos, Hodgkins lists several examples of idle activities including taking walks with friends, napping, hour-long lunch breaks, and traveling- all with no work allowed.

Hodgkins explains that when we allow ourselves uninterrupted down time, our work performance and personal satisfaction bloom.  We create room for creativity, rest, and enjoyment.  At the same time, we replenish our energy and return to work with more drive.

Idling can be done at any time.  Nine to five workers might idle mostly at night, while remote workers can idle with more flexibility.  The goal is to relish the idle moments.  Regardless of when you work, your level of fulfillment impacts the way you show up, and this makes a difference.

In her Boston Globe Article, “Millennials aren’t lazy, they’re workaholics,” writer Katie Johnston points out anxiety’s correlation with lower career satisfaction, lower productivity, and fewer monetary bonuses.  Anxiety often interferes with motivation and the ability to focus, thus drastically reducing work performance.  It can also impede social behaviors necessary for good workplace relationship.

Unlike Hodgkins, you might not see napping from 2 to 4 PM as feasible or even ideal.  The 9 to 5 is just as enjoyable to some as its more unstructured alternatives are to others.  If you find yourself, though, stuck in the grind, fear not.

Constantly, new remote and time-flexible job positions are created.  Because of modern technology, teachers can virtually instruct classes in different timezones.  Business owners can work behind the scenes at all hours.  First responders and service industry professionals who prefer working at night can clock in after resting during the earlier hours of the day.

What is your ideal work style?  This is a question infrequently asked at high schools and universities.  We are so often expected to talk about what we like to do, but not how we like to do it.  Without this knowledge, we can accidentally wind up in careers that suffocate our passion instead of fanning it.  Once you notice the natural ebbs and flows of your energy throughout the day, you can begin to develop a career consistent with your preferred work schedule.  

Hodgkinson’s journey is a reminder that gaining the flexibility you desire in your career might take time.  He admits to having worked several jobs before finding his balance of work and idleness.  If you’re working in what I call a “stepping stone job”- one that feels particularly unstimulating and unsustainable- ask yourself these three questions:  What skills do I want to continue developing in the next phase of my career?  How do I want my next work environment to differ from this one?  How can I use my strengths in new ways?

Finding your work flow can feel challenging.  Start small by rethinking how you spend your little sprinkles of time throughout the day.  Consider stretching, walking, cooking, or calling a friend whenever possible.  Replace mindless activities with more pleasurable ones when necessary.  And if it works for you, embrace the two-hour nap.

Values-Guided Action (Even When It’s Hard)

By Mary Claire Schibelka, LPC

How many times in the past month have you chosen to do something even if it meant putting up with uncomfortable feelings?  Maybe you woke up at the sound of your morning alarm although staying in bed for another hour would have been much preferred.  Maybe you worried about looking silly while wearing a mask to the grocery store during the COVID-19 crisis, but you wore one anyways.  Or perhaps you chose to forgo watching your favorite Netflix show in order to write a paper or study for an upcoming exam.

We do difficult things all the time, but why?  I have a feeling you might be thinking, “Because I have to,” but is that really true?  Do you have to go to work?  Did you have to wear a mask to the store?  Did you have to study for that test?  The truth is, there isn’t much of anything that we actually have to do.  In fact, it might have been much easier to skip the studying and opt to fail the exam.

This brings us back to the question:  Why do we choose to do things, even if doing them means experiencing uncomfortable, or even downright painful, emotions?  There are typically two reasons- either to achieve a goal or to live in accordance with our values.

Let’s go back to the studying example.  If you’ve ever chosen to sacrifice a night of fun for a night of studying, it’s likely you had a goal of getting a good grade in the course.  Maybe this fit into a larger goal of earning a degree or getting a certain job.  In the case of the mask example, someone who fears looking dorky but wears a mask in public anyways probably does so because he or she values the health and safety of other people.  Can you think of any other times you willingly endured discomfort in order to accomplish a goal or adhere to your values?

Now, think of a time when you didn’t.  Some examples might include skipping a social gathering because you were worried about not knowing many people there or dropping out of a course because the syllabus made it seem too hard.  What kind of thoughts were you having at the time?  What emotions were you experiencing?

Russ Harris, the author of The Happiness Trap, a popular self-help book about living a meaningful life in the presence of difficult emotions, admits that even he struggled with motivation for writing because of his own uncomfortable thoughts and feelings.  Now a bestselling author, he offers readers the following tips:

1. Identify your goal.  What is it that you want to accomplish?  When and where will you accomplish it?  Be specific!
   

2. Identify related values.  Nobody knows the future.  We cannot guarantee ourselves that we will accomplish all our goals.  If we act in accordance with our values, however, the journey towards a goal is meaningful whether we achieve the goal or not.  For example, if you, like Stephen Hayes, have a goal of publishing a book, you might value learning, hard work, and creativity.  By writing the book, you are absolutely learning new information, working hard, and exercising your creativity.  Even if the book never hits the shelves, the time you spent writing it was still meaningful.
   

3. Identify thoughts and feelings that will likely come up.  If you’re learning to fly a plane, you might feel scared.  You might have thoughts like, “I can’t do this”.  By anticipating these experiences, you can prepare yourself for them instead of letting them take you by surprise.
   

4. Remember that thoughts and feelings can’t hurt you.  Are they unpleasant?  Yes.  But at the end of the day, thoughts are nothing more than words or pictures playing in your mind, and emotions are nothing more than sensations in your body.  Instead of fighting them, let them be, and remind yourself that they are temporary.
   

5. Choose to act anyways.  Once you know that thoughts and feelings are not a threat, you can choose to act in spite of them, not according to them.  Break your desired action down into manageable steps (eg. First I will gather my textbooks, then I will study for 30 minutes, then I will take a break and have a snack, etc.), and focus on completing them one at a time.

Following these steps can seem daunting at first, but with practice, acting according to your values and goals becomes easier and easier.  Keep a written list of all the times you do take valued action regardless of uncomfortable feelings.  You’ll be surprised to see how much you’re already doing this and how capable you are of doing it more in the future.

THIS is the key to change

I’m sitting in the chair with my mouth wide open.  I’m staring at the ceiling as the drill starts up. I smell the horrible smell of bone being shaved off my tooth.  I taste the bitterness of the adhesive sliding on to my tongue. The dentist stands over me. Just behind him is the computer screen where I can see my “treatment plan,” aka all of the work that’s ahead of me in the months to come.  I breathe and think to myself “I can do this. I can do this.”

There’s a break in the procedure where I have time to sit with the unpleasantness I'm experiencing and also the sheer dread of the rest of the work I will have to get done.  My treatment plan sits there mocking me. As the technician comes back she say, “Are you okay, you look like you’re about to cry!” I mumble back, “No I’m fine” as I think to myself, I’m not in physical pain...no, this is the face of regret.  I’m regretting my sheer avoidance of the dentist for longer than I care to admit.  Regretting only doing the minimum twice-a-day brushing on top of a steady intake of sugar for the last decade.  Regretting all the money I’ll be forking over to fix all of this.  

And in that moment I mentally commit to never being in this position again.  I vow to brush, floss, mouthwash, and repeat so that I never have to feel this again. "Enough is enough," I say to myself.

Some might call this my rock bottom of oral care.  A wake-up call. Come to Jesus moment. Whatever you call it, it was the moment where the pain of staying the same outweighed the pain of changing.  I had suffered enough to decide that I needed to change. This, my friends, is the key to change: using the principles of pain (and pleasure).

The forces that motivate humans the most are pain and pleasure.  If enough of either are applied we typically respond. If a few years ago someone had offered me great sums of money to stay on top of flossing my teeth, chances are I would have done it.  In the same way, experiencing the complete unpleasantness that is dental work has now helped me comply to a thorough regimen.

The problem with using pain and pleasure to enact change is this that there is a delay.

In real life pleasure is normally something that comes much later, making it difficult for us to stay on top of the change we want to make.  If you are unsatisfied with your job and struggle to get yourself to update your resume and cover letter, network, and start applying for new jobs, you likely won’t see the fruits of your labor until you’re actually settled in to a new job.  Waiting for the pleasure makes it hard to motivate yourself to start the process, which is why people usually wait for the pain to set in before getting started. Many people wait until they are so miserable in their current job that they have that “enough is enough” moment which gets them to act.

Pain usually is more motivating for humans than pleasure, however, I think most of us would agree that it is not ideal to wait until we hit rock bottom before we act.  So how can we use the pain and pleasure principle to help motivate us to change? Our imagination.

Right now, call to mind something that you would like to see changed in your life.  Take a few moments to journal and fully imagine what life would look like as you consider the following (note: this is much more effective if you allow yourself to fully feel your feelings as you move through this): 

What would life look like if you haven’t made this change in the next 6 months?  What about in the next year? What about the next 5 years? 10? 20? Allow yourself to really imagine what might happen in the future.  How would you feel? What would it cost you emotionally? What would it cost you financially? What would your relationships be like? What would be the impact on your health?  

Really vividly bring these images up and feel what it’s like.

The idea here is to make it so unbearable that you have to change today.  Enough is enough!

Now, take a few moments to journal and fully imagine life if you did make a change, again fully feeling everything that comes up:

If this change were to happen today, what would life look like in the next 6 months?  What about in the next year? What about the next 5 years? 10? 20? Allow yourself to really imagine what might happen in future.  How would you feel? What would it be like financially? What would your relationships be like? What would be the impact on your health?

Hopefully you enjoyed the latter exercise more.  Because using our imagination is not quite as impactful as literal pain and pleasure, I recommend that you come back to the exercise consistently.  It’s helpful to drive these feelings it into your nervous system, which can only happen if you fully allow yourself to feel the feelings.