Every Single’s Guide to Thriving During the 2020 Holidays
I think we’re all aware that being single during the holidays can be tough. You know how it is. Seasonal rom coms start clogging up your Netflix recommendations. Matching pajamas on Instagram. All that stuff that’s fun and cute unless you’re the one not doing it. Even if you love being single, Aunt Karen with the questions about why you’re still single can get pretty annoying this time of year.
By Mary Claire Schibelka, LPC
I’ve got a quiz for you! Which of the following statements most accurately summarizes your feelings about being single during the holidays?
Love it! Fewer gifts to buy.
I’m a bit lonely, nothing too serious.
Annoyed. If I see another diamond commercial on Hulu, I’ll scream.
I have decided not to leave the house until March.
I think we’re all aware that being single during the holidays can be tough. You know how it is. Seasonal rom coms start clogging up your Netflix recommendations. Matching pajamas on Instagram. All that stuff that’s fun and cute unless you’re the one not doing it. Even if you answered “A” and love being single, Aunt Karen with the questions about why you’re still single can get pretty annoying this time of year.
It’s normal to experience loneliness or sadness around the holidays whether you’re single or not. Sometimes being single, though, can amplify these feelings. According to the Girlboss article, “How To Cope When The Holiday Blues Creep In,” these feelings can be attributed to stress, high expectations, and increased media focus on love and relationships during the holiday season. Use these tips to fight relationship FOMO, continue your journey of self-growth, and live your most satisfying life during the 2020 holidays.
Start a Gratitude Journal
Sometimes during singleness, it feels really easy to focus on everything that you’re missing out on. This year, start a list of everything you do have. Focus specifically on experiences you’re thankful for that wouldn’t be possible if you were in a relationship. The more you list, the more you’ll start to notice the beauty of this time in your life.
Go Back To Your Values
So much of my work involves helping clients identify and live according to their values. Why? Because values are your roadmap to a deep sense of joy. You will never be happy 100% of the time, but as long as you act in accordance with your values, you will create a life of meaningful and fulfilling experiences, and you will grow into a person you love. Complete this worksheet by Russ Harris, the author of The Happiness Trap, to learn about your values. Then, make a list of all the values-guided activities you can do this holiday season.
Give Back
Change your perspective on life this year by improving someone else’s. Volunteering to help others reduces your focus on your own problems. It also feels really good to know you’re bettering someone else’s holiday experience, even if you’re not completely happy about your own. Chicago dwellers, check out this Thrillist article to find local volunteer opportunities according to your skillset.
Invest in Yourself
This holiday season, take the money you would have spent on gifts for a significant other and put it towards something you’ve always wanted to do for yourself. Maybe you’ve been thinking about taking an online course or buying a new camera to start your YouTube channel. No matter what is, now is a great time to take the next step towards that goal you’ve had waiting for you on the back burner.
Being single during the holidays isn’t always easy, but it can be a time of deep contentment, gratitude, and development. What’s your favorite winter holiday? Tell me on Instagram at @therapywithmaryclaire.
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Eating Disorder Recovery: Coping with Feeling Full During the Holidays
Well, here we are, everyone. Somehow, after eight months of the world being turned upside down by the Coronavirus Pandemic, we made it to the Holiday Season. Thanksgiving is already less than two weeks away! While the Winter Holidays can be joyful, those in eating disorder recovery often find this time stressful and triggering.
By Mary Claire Schibelka, LPC
Well, here we are, everyone. Somehow, after eight months of the world being turned upside down by the Coronavirus Pandemic, we made it to the Holiday Season. Thanksgiving is already a week away! While the Winter Holidays can be joyful, those in eating disorder recovery often find this time stressful and triggering.
Almost every holiday celebrated in the United States involves food, but none of them can compete with Thanksgiving- the holiday that is literally centered around eating. After Thanksgiving, the holiday parties and cookie exchanges commence, creating what can feel like a month of endless consumption. For people in eating disorder recovery, these events are often ruined by feelings of anxiety, shame, and insecurity induced by feelings of fullness after eating more than what one is typically used to. If this is true for you, try the following tips this Season to reclaim the Holiday fun and minimize the effects of uncomfortable emotions.
Remind Yourself That This Is Normal
On an average day, would eating five servings of mashed potatoes be considered typical? Um...no. Probably not. But on Thanksgiving? Absolutely! Food is a biological necessity, but it is also social. Food has historically always been a focal point of gatherings. It is healthy and normal to eat more of it than usual when you are at a social event. Even if you eat past the point of moderate fullness at which you would normally stop, it is still normal. It is also normal to eat an average amount of food if that is really all you are hungry for. This Holiday Season, give your body permission to have what it wants. Remember that people all over the world are doing the same exact thing, and all of you will be okay.
Distract Yourself
If you’re recovering from an eating disorder, you’re probably familiar with the overwhelming emotions that often show up after a large meal. In order to cope with these feelings, distract yourself after mealtime by playing a board game, going for a gentle walk, sparking up an interesting conversation with a friend or family member, or watching a funny movie. By the time you’re done with whatever activity you choose, you’ll likely find that intense feelings of fullness have subsided, and you’re back to a comfortable level of satisfaction.
Accept Uncomfortable Feelings
The truth is, sometimes uncomfortable emotions are unavoidable. The good news is that no matter how unpleasant your feelings are, they will eventually subside. Remember that feeling “good” is not a prerequisite for doing the things that you value. If you find yourself experiencing anxiety or shame after a large meal this Holiday Season, try accepting your feelings and choosing to do whatever you would be doing if you weren’t feeling that way. For example, if you’re feeling anxious, you might be tempted to sit out on a family board game after Thanksgiving dinner. Notice this urge, then play the game anyways. Your emotions will pass either way. Balancing them out with activities you value will help you get the most out of your Holiday experience, even if it isn’t 100% enjoyable.
This year, there is more to worry about during the holiday season than ever before. Don’t let guilt, shame, or anxiety about feeling full take away more from your experience than the Pandemic already has. Practice these three skills this week after eating regular-sized meals so you can be ready to put them to use during the next month and a half. This could be the year you conquer the holiday meal blues once and for all.